Oh, zarks! | Condoms, Christ, Yakov -- and more!

[Bonus points: former Miss America Anita Bryant, below!]

What do you get when you combine Gannett's newspaper in Springfield, Mo., with a giant statue of Jesus Christ in the Ozarks; Branson, Mo., comedian Yakov Smirnoff -- and thousands of unsolicited condoms mailed to college students by a Gannett "affiliate" in Florida? A very interesting post that ends with a crucial question unanswered!

Now, follow me, as I try to unravel what we'd call a big frittata in my home state of Rhode Island.

Key players
In no particular order:

• Don Wyatt, executive editor of the News-Leader Media Group, publisher of the News-Leader in Springfield.
  
• Irwin Parker, Robert Parker, and Jennifer Irwin -- who may or may not still be Gannett employees.
  
• Student Welcome Pack Inc., a direct-mailing company in Tallahassee that's at least a Gannett "affiliate."
  
• Missouri State University, also in Springfield.
  
• Many pissed-off, socially conservative parents of said MSU students.
  
• A no-doubt growing band of lawsuit-happy lawyers.
  

The controversy
Word-for-word from a story in today's News-Leader:

Missouri State University is considering a lawsuit against the News-Leader's parent company after a Gannett Co. Inc. affiliate mailed thousands of welcome packets to area college-age students.

According to MSU attorney Clifton Smart, the packets -- which contained advertisements for local businesses -- might have amounted to trademark infringement, since they mentioned the school.

"If you use the name Missouri State University in such a way to convey that Missouri State University sent out that packet, that's trademark infringement," Smart said. "Dozens of parents thought that we sent them out that packet."

He said some advertisers who participated in the mailing believed MSU had sanctioned them, though he would not give names.

Chief among the university's concerns, Smart said, was an ad for Planned Parenthood with a condom attached. In bold type at the top of the insert are the words: "Welcome to MSU!"

The setting
The Bermuda Triangle of wholesome midwestern entertainment for bus tours by blue-haired ladies and their dozing hubbies. 1. Oklahoma Indian reservation casinos. 2. Eureka Springs, Ark., near where they still perform a passion play (!) in the shadow of the famous Christ of the Ozarks statue. 3. Branson, Mo., home to a collection of dinner theater shows by entertainers like Smirnoff.

Bonus points! If the former Miss America hadn't filed for bankruptcy, tourists might stop by the Anita Bryant Museum, where the one-time Florida orange juice huckster retreated with her crown and scepter, plus retired astronaut husband, after her anti-gay campaign in Florida's Dade County. (Now you know why I loved being a journalist in Arkansas during 1985-91. The Clintons! Whitewater! Sam Walton! But I digress.)

The documents
Robert Parker and Irwin were the principal officers of Student Welcome Pack as recently as 2006, when they filed their last annual report with the Florida Secretary of State's office, according to public documents I obtained today. (See, below.) They also owned FSView and Florida Flambeau, the bi-weekly campus newspaper serving Tallahassee's Florida State University. Gannett bought the newspaper in August 2006 for an undisclosed sum.

The Parkers were Gannett employees when Campus Progress wrote about what was Gannett's first foray into the college newspaper market, the publication reported in September 2006. Irwin was to be publisher of the papers after the acquisition, the story said.

Now, here's the question that I can't answer: Did Gannett's purchase of FSView and Florida Flambau include Student Welcome Pack Inc.? I suspect it did, and that the deal included the Parkers and Irwin staying on as employees or consultants to aid in the transition of the newspaper.

But I can't find anything in Gannett's filings with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission to reflect that. And, apparently, Irwin is no longer publisher of the paper, according to the publication's website contact list.

Student Welcome Pack's annual report; click image for bigger view:

Over to you, chief Gannett publicist Tara Connell!

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